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User blog:Yterbium/Season 4, Episode 2, “Lick Your Way to Freedom!”
The exclamation mark is there because of some stupid formatting error. I was sort of expecting this to happen—I sometimes see Jnj's Twitter updates—but then again I was sort of expecting it not to happen too. That's right, I'm talking about the second episode of BFB! I'm surprised at how popular this series has become. All of a sudden, (at time of writing) there are 137,573 views and 25,693 comments. And it hasn't even been 24 hours yet. Pre-Credits Gag: Grassy and Blocky have a conversation. For some reason, Blocky is gluing something down—I'm pretty sure that's a plot point. Anyways, I was really scared for a moment because I had no idea what the fuck Grassy was even saying. Then I realised that's her character. The way that objects get recovered is really vague in the series in general, but apparently, Four brings them back. Four gets run into by Blocky, and there is this really cool remix of the Cake at Stake theme they used in 2010. The best part is when they mention all the contestants, just like they did in episodes II and III—same font at all. It appears like Four's screeching is another way of saying "I don't care." The Cake at Stake arena comes out of nowhere, and Iance have been up for elimination. So there have been 9,983 votes according to Four, which is 1.35x higher than the previous record by an object show—''Inanimate Insanity'' back in 2015. Suddenly, Donut screams and I'm like what the hell? He practically yells against commenting the votes the wrong way—anything deriving from letter does not go—which must probably be the most effective way to curb some of the YouTube moronic crowd. Donut flies past the recommended characters. Wait, recommended characters? Okay, in the description, it says you must go to Patreon to recommend a character, followed by a donation of $1. I guess that's fair because once again, this will weed out all the Christmas–Easter object show fans. By the way, did you all see Pistachio, kitkatyj's character? The votes are in. Surprisingly, Snowball and Flower are safe, even though their personalities are assholey. Bubble, Ruby, Lightning, Match, and Fanny (aw) are safe. And Pencil is eliminated! Oh no! At least Pen won't have to be controlled by the old ball-and-chain, as some people say But he is on the other team and probably doesn't give a shit in this universe. Did Pencil just get sucked into Four's... ehm... armpit? What a way to die. There's this conversation about who should replace Pencil, and that turns into talk about the dead contestants. Everyone wants the dead ones to come back, but Four gets all butthurt and says that only one character will be recovered. At first, I thought this was a pretty selfish thing, but you'd found out this is not the case. Four extremely angrily tells the contestants about the contest: Get the dead contestants from some jawbreakers. Wait, isn't that food? The credits come on in the most subtle way ever ("Go!"), and the contest begins. Dora knocks the jawbreaker open using her magnificent weight, and team Josfsaiodjqioqjwdqwjd is safe! Cloudy gets a jawbreaker, which really angers Leafy for some reason. She doesn't like how he is going against the everything, and she demotes his loyalty to 4. Yeah, people, Leafy's like one of those aggressively nice people. After that predicament, we see a field, and really small in the corner are Iance licking quietly. Well, not quietly. Apparently, they are all licking the jawbreaker at the same time, but SO FUCKING LOUDLY! I swear this is an object orgy like they did in the Roman times. I'm sure there's someone out there who finds this erotic. Bubble makes everyone snap out of the conundrum, and everyone's got Ice Cube out. Turns out Ice Cube likes Book better than Iance, which is the most obvious thing ever. Leafy says Roboty is standing on a bridge for no apparent reason, and Nickel senses it in his own special way. Is "Oobaley goobaley weezer beezers" code for something? Somebody calls out for Roboty in the distance, and it turns out to be Woody! What the fuck? Can Woody speak? After this weird Full House-esque moment with the intimidatingly saccharine music, the bridge turns and Roboty almost falls. Book says, "If something bad happens, you can always tell me", and then abruptly closes the door on her. Yaass, slay it! Rocky vomits on the jawbreaker, which kind of makes me sick to the stomach—wait, did he just compare that to salt and vinegar? And they're licking the vomit-jawbreaker. Oh gosh. Free Food find Lollipop instead of Foldy in their jawbreaker, which gets even weirder. The following scene involves Stapy trying to staple Lollipop and Marker trying to lick him. Never mind what I said earlier, this is the way to die. Oh yeah. Team Ice Cube gets safe too. Leafy uses Woody's wide tongue to lick that jawbreaker, and Nickel takes advantage... "One can only dream" about doing shit to him, apparently. On Death PACT, Black Hole opens five jawbreakers, only to find them empty, except one with Foldy. Then, Liy and Foldy have a weird showdown that kind of sounds ridiculous. I don't know if I should go on trusting the BFDI Wiki, but apparently, there was a rivalry in that January Fools video. 8-Ball bites off the jawbreaker and says very nonchalantly that Golf Ball was in there. It actually made me laugh! Blocky says that Grassy does not get respect, so 8-Ball becomes the new team leader. This obviously angers Golf Ball, because of her quest for power and stuff. On the Losers' Team, Pin announces that Loser has found someone. We see a close up on Loser licking inside the jawbreaker for about a second, and it is probably the most glorious thing on an object show ever! The last team to finish are—wait, did Woody just dab? The fu... This must have been more anachronistic than the time on Andi Mack when they mentioned Bex's fidget-spinning skills. And that was last night! Leafy resuscitates Balloony and apparently overinflates him on purpose. What? Leafy is a scary person, people, but if she's going to pander to them Object Show DeviantArt inflationistsDon't look it up., then it's all que sera sera in this shit. Post-Credits Gag: David licks the jawbreaker at night. Nickel says "What's the point?", but it turns out Taco is still here. Day ended and morning came, more times than in Genesis, and we kind of see what the objects do when the show is not on its on-month/on-fortnight. Weird, I thought they'd all be buttfucking or something. First: BFB recommended characters, a licking orgy (first ever in an object show!)—I'm not going to say a sex scene because that already happened in ; remember Firey and Bomby? Random quote: "Everyone, stop licking!" — Bubble Category:Blog posts